doc/mgr: edit telemetry.rst

Edit doc/mgr/telemetry.rst.

Incorporate Anthony D'Atri's suggestions from
ceph#63739.

Signed-off-by: Zac Dover <[email protected]>

Author: zdover23

doc/mgr/telemetry.rst

@@ -121,8 +121,7 @@ List all channels with:
 Enabling Telemetry
 ------------------
 
-To allow the *telemetry* module to start sharing data, run the following
-command:
+To allow the *telemetry* module to share data, run the following command:
 
 .. prompt:: bash #
 
@@ -157,10 +156,9 @@ If telemetry is disabled, run the following command to preview a sample report:
 
    ceph telemetry preview
 
-The generation of a sample report might take a few moments in big clusters
-(clusters with hundreds of OSDs or more).
+The generation of a sample report for larger clusters might take some time.
 
-To protect your privacy, device reports are generated separately. Data
+To protect sensitive information, device reports are generated separately. Data
 including  hostnames and device serial numbers are anonymized. The device
 telemetry is sent to a different endpoint and does not associate the device
 data with a particular cluster. To see a preview of the device report, run the
@@ -177,10 +175,10 @@ report:
 
    ceph telemetry preview-device
 
-.. note:: In order to generate the device report we use Smartmontools version
-   7.0 and up, which supports JSON output. If you have any concerns about
-   privacy with regard to the information included in this report, contact the
-   Ceph developers.
+.. note:: ``smartmontools`` version 7.0 or later must be installed so that JSON
+   output can be specified and parsed. If you have any concerns about privacy
+   with regard to the information included in this report, contact the Ceph
+   developers.
 
 When telemetry is enabled, run the following command to generate both reports
 in a single output: