18feb2024

Author: ekrishnachaitanya2004

src/data/blog/jan2024.md

@@ -0,0 +1,63 @@
+---
+author: Krishna Chaitanya
+pubDatetime: 2024-02-17T05:55:00Z
+title: The Struggle She Never Knew
+slug: 17feb2024
+featured: false
+draft: false
+tags:
+  - harshi
+  - Khc
+  - snap
+  - cry
+  - dreams
+description:
+  She left without a word, but the pain never left me. While she moved on, I was stuck in the past, drowning in memories she never even knew I held on to.
+
+---
+
+Harshi, just listen to me. No reactions, no replies. Just read it clearly and slowly. You may think I moved on, that I’m happy, just enjoying life without you. No. Never. Not at all.
+
+The only days I was truly happy were the days I spent with you. Those days are unforgettable. Sometimes, I can recall every single detail, from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep, from the way we talked in the mornings to the way we walked together. From the moment I confessed my feelings to the moment you left. You may think it all ended when you disappeared, that I forgot, that life just went on. But you have no idea how many nights I cried, remembering every little thing, every second we spent together. You can’t even imagine that kind of sorrow.
+
+Every single day, I listened to the same old songs. The same songs. The same songs that reminded me of you. The same songs that made me feel like I had lost everything. Just pure emptiness, a hole in my life that nothing could ever fill. Nothing changed. Nothing ever got better. I just lived in a loop—waking up, pretending I was fine, trying to act normal, and then breaking down at night, crying like hell until I couldn’t cry anymore, until my body just gave up and I fell asleep. Then I’d wake up the next morning and do it all over again.
+
+And then, just like that, you were gone. Without telling me. Without a goodbye.
+
+Do you know what that did to me? How could you just vanish like that? We were sitting in school, in tuition, just like every day—laughing, talking, living with no worries, no responsibilities. And then suddenly, you disappeared.
+
+I kept going to school, hoping, just hoping, that you’d come back. That I’d see you again. But no. You weren’t there.
+
+I waited. Ten days.
+
+No school. No tuition. Nothing. I was just waiting. Then one day, Vishnu told me that you had moved to Naidupeta. That you had left a month ago.
+
+A month ago.
+
+And I had been sitting there, waiting, thinking you’d come back. Thinking maybe you were sick or maybe you are at home. But no. You had already left, and I had no idea.
+
+Do you know what that did to me? It was like someone had ripped a piece of my soul away, and I didn’t even get a chance to understand what was happening. I couldn’t digest it. I couldn’t believe it. One day, we were laughing together, and the next, you were gone, like you had never even been there.
+
+How did you think I could survive without you? How did you think I could just move on?
+
+Every night, I cried. Remembering all the good stuff. And then realizing you were no longer there. That’s when the tears really started. I cried like hell. Until I physically couldn’t anymore. Until my body was exhausted. And then I slept. And the next day, I woke up like nothing had happened. Like I was fine. Like I was normal. But I wasn’t.
+
+Everywhere I went, I saw you. The same school. The same places. The same roads. But no you. Just memories of you.
+
+I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to leave. I wanted to escape from that school, from that place, from everything that reminded me of you. But it was too late. I had to stay until the year was over. So I waited. Counting the days until I could finally leave.
+
+The only person who saw what I was going through was Ketan. He knew how hard it was for me. He knew how much I was struggling. But no one else did.
+
+And then, finally, I left. I forced everyone to let me change schools. And I escaped.
+
+But even after I left, I couldn’t escape you.
+
+I carried you with me. In my memories. In my dreams.
+
+Even now, I see you sometimes. Not the version of you that exists today. Not the version that sends snaps with her friends, smiling, living a happy life. No, I see the 10-year-old Harshi. The one I loved. The one I still love.
+
+And maybe that’s what hurts the most. That the version of you I’m holding onto isn’t even real anymore. It’s just a dream. A memory.
+
+But I don’t care.
+
+Because at least, in my dreams, you’re still mine.