fix: properly apply filters on destroy & update

this also adopts the bulk of the required work to support proper update
query & destroy query callbacks, but that will be introduced in a
follow-up minor release because it will break people's applications

fixes #163

Author: zachdaniel

.gitignore

@@ -32,3 +32,4 @@ test/test.db-wal
 test/dev_test.db
 test/dev_test.db-shm
 test/dev_test.db-wal
+notes/