use ET_CHECK macro for sanity checks in memory shim layer (pytorch#14690)

Stack from [ghstack](https://github.com/ezyang/ghstack) (oldest at
bottom):
* __->__ pytorch#14690
* pytorch#14689
* pytorch#14688
* pytorch#14687
* pytorch#14686

Summary:

this is a comprehensive update to use ET_CHECK macro to replace original
if..else check for better follow et's law

Reviewed By:

Differential Revision:

Author: larryliu0820