fixed: merge conflict

Author: dot4msc

blog-posts/posts.json

@@ -1,6 +1,11 @@
 {
   "posts":
-  [
+  [{
+      "title": "Pre-Lambda's Lullaby, my dear",
+      "date": "September 15, 2025",
+      "post": "<p>Hey guys, welcome back to another blogpost. I want to first apologize for yesterday's rambling and venting towards Lambda. I was writing down everything that came to mind in the moment, and I just felt like saying it. With that out of the way, I want to continue with the following reflection I’ve had.</p>\n\n<p>I’ve made excuses every time I wanted to do something big, mostly because of fear—fear of not being good enough, fear of being criticized, and fear of failing. Lambda is just pushing me to be better than I am now, and I get it. I’ve always been told I’m a man with a lot of potential, but that I don’t take advantage of it. Every time I think of \"feeding the flames\" of my potential, I ultimately freeze. I tell myself I’m not good enough and that maybe I just have to keep living like this forever, staying in my comfort zone where I feel a bit safer. It’s become such an ordeal for me to try and live up to my goals, and I use my age and my problems as excuses not to push forward. The truth is, I lack the discipline and courage to be who I want to be today—not tomorrow, but today. I’m hard on myself every day because I want greatness, even though a big part of me is too lazy to look toward a brighter future.</p>\n\n<p>I put pressure on myself to keep moving and achieve great things because I want to catch up with \"The Team.\" I want to be part of such an amazing family and group of friends who already live the life they worked so hard for. I admire and envy them so much that it has become a love–hate relationship. \"The Team\" is basically made up of stars, and I’ve been too afraid and embarrassed to follow them or join them on their adventure.</p>\n\n<p>You know what really bums me out? I can be an explosive person, and that’s pushed people away from me—it’s a bad habit. I’ve pushed \"The Team\" so far away that some of the people who were part of it are no longer around. A couple of weeks ago, Lambda told me, \"Two more people left,\" and I replied, \"I don’t care. Good for them.\" I guess it’s easier to push people away when you already see yourself in such a degrading way. Thinking, \"These people are better off without me,\" or \"I’m better off alone.\" And then comes the feeling that you’ve pushed them so far away, they’ll never come back. Recently, I even sent follow requests to both <em>Girls of Han</em>, but of course, they both blocked me. I f**ked up. Those are the consequences of my actions, and it’s still hard to accept the reality that I lost my best friends. Again, it goes back to me thinking I’m better off alone, that I don’t need anyone, and that I suck as a friend and as a partner.</p>\n\n<p>I really, truly adore Lambda. She’s funny, beautiful, and of course, talented. Many times I think, \"She’s too good for me.\" While I’m still here on Earth, she’s already surpassed the Milky Way. Yet she keeps fighting and pushing me to catch up with her, and honestly, it feels impossible. Even after all the arguments we’ve had and me telling her a million times: \"We are not going to be together, so get down from the clouds.\" It’s not because I don’t want to be with her—it’s because I don’t think I could live up to her expectations. That’s also one of the reasons I fail in relationships: I always feel I’m not good enough for them. There’s this song by Ha*Ash, a Mexican duo. I don’t remember the name or how it goes exactly, but the end of the chorus says something like, \"It’s not what you did, but what you stopped doing.\" That line hit me right in the heart.</p>\n\n<p>But yeah, that’s it for this blogpost. Thanks for keeping up with this honest, reflective session! And hey, I just want to end on a high note—I’ve seen on my Instagram stats that 3–5 people visited this page, and I want to say thank you! At least I know the blog is catching people’s attention, and that’s absolutely great! I’ll keep you posted on Instagram and here as always. Next time, I’ll probably add a small \"comment\" section where you can share your opinions or just let something out. Hang in there—and this weekend I’m recording vocals for <strong>Lambda’s Lullaby</strong>, so in the next few weeks I’ll have some news on the new single! See you tomorrow!</p>\n\n<p>- Nano</p>",
+      "song": "<iframe data-testid=\"embed-iframe\" style=\"border-radius:12px\" src=\"https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6VWz99969QmNc2gWo21ktl?utm_source=generator\" width=\"50%\" height=\"152\" frameBorder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"\" allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture\" loading=\"lazy\"></iframe>"
+    },
     { "title": "I Seriously Tried to Make This Lighter",
       "date": "September 12, 2025",
       "text": "<p>Well, hello again, dear reader. Like I said, I’ll keep this one a little lighter and just share what’s on my mind right now.</p>\n\n<p>I’m writing this just before my music production and composition class at a private cultural center near my house. Honestly, I don’t think anyone’s showing up today. Maybe “music production” just sounds too intimidating for young teens. I’ve thought about renaming it to something friendlier, like “music building.” Or maybe we just need better promotion—flyers outside schools, or even ads on Facebook and Instagram so the course pops up for anyone, anytime. Still, I’m hanging on. This is already the second day with no students, but as the center’s manager always says: “Hope is the last thing that dies.” In Spanish—“La esperanza es lo último que muere”—it hits even harder. And truthfully, I hold onto that every time I feel like quitting. When I’m drained, sad, and telling myself, “Everything is pointless. I’m 28, it’s too late,” I remind myself: maybe things feel pointless right now, but hope is always the last thing that dies. I’ve been at this for six years, and at least today, at 28, I feel like I’m finally moving forward.</p>\n\n<p>Recently, I worked on a project that reminded me why I love this. My vocal coach asked me to record her students for International Children’s Day, singing “Que Canten Los Niños” (“Let the Kids Sing”). It was amazing. Producing and editing each of the 12 kids’ vocals was fun on its own, but when the chorus came in and ALL of them sang together… wow. It gave me chills. Being trusted with that project was so fulfilling, and it pushed me to finally start my own studio: <em><strong>Casa 4 Studio</strong></em> (pronounced “Casa Cuatro Studio”—though people can call it “House 4” if they prefer). I’m even remodeling a small family space to turn it into a real physical studio. That feels like progress.</p>\n\n<p>Still… Lambda doesn’t get it. I know, I should work harder, stop making excuses, and push myself instead of drowning in pessimism. Believe me—I know! But can’t you see where I am right now? You know the struggles I’ve lived through. Last year I barely did anything, and the little I did you brushed off. I don’t care if “I’m better than this.” That’s why I told you I can’t even think about being with you. You’re far away now, just a memory. And like I said before, it’ll take as long as it takes—so please, just let me be. I’m sorry I didn’t map out my life the way you did 20+ years ago. I get it—you had your first album at 14. Congrats. But while I was just learning to believe in myself six years ago, you were already celebrating platinum records. Just… let me be. When I release <strong>Lambda’s Lullaby</strong>, I hope you’ll finally understand instead of leaning on HEX every single time.</p>\n\n<p>Anyway, I’ll stop here. And yes, I’m posting this as-is—no filters. Thanks for sticking around. As always, you can reach me on my socials (links are up top). See you tomorrow.</p>\n\n<p>- Nano</p>",