diff --git a/.env b/.env
index 6570bf8c28..ee11f6bd67 100644
--- a/.env
+++ b/.env
@@ -19,11 +19,6 @@ UPTIME_CHECKER_IMAGE=ghcr.io/getsentry/uptime-checker:nightly
 HEALTHCHECK_INTERVAL=30s
 HEALTHCHECK_TIMEOUT=1m30s
 HEALTHCHECK_RETRIES=10
-HEALTHCHECK_START_PERIOD=10s
-HEALTHCHECK_FILE_INTERVAL=60s
-HEALTHCHECK_FILE_TIMEOUT=10s
-HEALTHCHECK_FILE_RETRIES=1
-HEALTHCHECK_FILE_START_PERIOD=180s
 # Caution: Raising max connections of postgres increases CPU and RAM usage
 # see https://github.com/getsentry/self-hosted/pull/2740 for more information
 POSTGRES_MAX_CONNECTIONS=100
diff --git a/docker-compose.yml b/docker-compose.yml
index 437bdc7694..f29a9bfd56 100644
--- a/docker-compose.yml
+++ b/docker-compose.yml
@@ -15,13 +15,7 @@ x-healthcheck-defaults: &healthcheck_defaults
   interval: "$HEALTHCHECK_INTERVAL"
   timeout: "$HEALTHCHECK_TIMEOUT"
   retries: $HEALTHCHECK_RETRIES
-  start_period: "$HEALTHCHECK_START_PERIOD"
-x-file-healthcheck: &file_healthcheck_defaults
-  test: ["CMD-SHELL", "rm /tmp/health.txt"]
-  interval: "$HEALTHCHECK_FILE_INTERVAL"
-  timeout: "$HEALTHCHECK_FILE_TIMEOUT"
-  retries: $HEALTHCHECK_FILE_RETRIES
-  start_period: "$HEALTHCHECK_FILE_START_PERIOD"
+  start_period: 10s
 x-sentry-defaults: &sentry_defaults
   <<: [*restart_policy, *pull_policy]
   image: sentry-self-hosted-local
@@ -217,193 +211,133 @@ services:
       retries: 30
   snuba-api:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *healthcheck_defaults
-      test:
-        - "CMD"
-        - "/bin/bash"
-        - "-c"
-        # Courtesy of https://unix.stackexchange.com/a/234089/108960
-        - 'exec 3<>/dev/tcp/127.0.0.1/1218 && echo -e "GET /health HTTP/1.1\r\nhost: 127.0.0.1\r\n\r\n" >&3 && grep ok -s -m 1 <&3'
   # Kafka consumer responsible for feeding events into Clickhouse
   snuba-errors-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage errors --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage errors --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
   # Kafka consumer responsible for feeding outcomes into Clickhouse
   # Use --auto-offset-reset=earliest to recover up to 7 days of TSDB data
   # since we did not do a proper migration
   snuba-outcomes-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage outcomes_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=earliest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage outcomes_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=earliest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
   snuba-outcomes-billing-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage outcomes_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=earliest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --raw-events-topic outcomes-billing --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage outcomes_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=earliest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --raw-events-topic outcomes-billing
   snuba-group-attributes-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage group_attributes --consumer-group snuba-group-attributes-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage group_attributes --consumer-group snuba-group-attributes-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
   snuba-replacer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
     command: replacer --storage errors --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset
   snuba-subscription-consumer-events:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset events --entity events --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-events-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset events --entity events --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-events-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
   #############################################
   ## Feature Complete Sentry Snuba Consumers ##
   #############################################
   # Kafka consumer responsible for feeding transactions data into Clickhouse
   snuba-transactions-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage transactions --consumer-group transactions_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage transactions --consumer-group transactions_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-replays-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage replays --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage replays --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-issue-occurrence-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage search_issues --consumer-group generic_events_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage search_issues --consumer-group generic_events_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-metrics-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage metrics_raw --consumer-group snuba-metrics-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage metrics_raw --consumer-group snuba-metrics-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-transactions:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset transactions --entity transactions --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-transactions-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=transactions_group --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset transactions --entity transactions --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-transactions-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=transactions_group --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-metrics:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset metrics --entity metrics_sets --entity metrics_counters --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-metrics-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-metrics-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset metrics --entity metrics_sets --entity metrics_counters --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-metrics-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-metrics-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-generic-metrics-distributions:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_distributions   --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-distributions-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-distributions-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_distributions   --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-distributions-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-distributions-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-generic-metrics-sets:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_sets --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-sets-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-sets-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_sets --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-sets-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-sets-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-generic-metrics-counters:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_counters --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-counters-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-counters-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_counters --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-counters-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-counters-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-generic-metrics-gauges:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_gauges --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-gauges-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-gauges-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset generic_metrics --entity=generic_metrics_gauges --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-generic-metrics-gauges-subscriptions-schedulers --followed-consumer-group=snuba-gen-metrics-gauges-consumers --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-generic-metrics-distributions-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_distributions_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-distributions-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_distributions_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-distributions-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-generic-metrics-sets-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_sets_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-sets-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_sets_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-sets-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-generic-metrics-counters-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_counters_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-counters-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_counters_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-counters-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-generic-metrics-gauges-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_gauges_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-gauges-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage generic_metrics_gauges_raw --consumer-group snuba-gen-metrics-gauges-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-profiling-profiles-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage profiles --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage profiles --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-profiling-functions-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage functions_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage functions_raw --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-profiling-profile-chunks-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage profile_chunks --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage profile_chunks --consumer-group snuba-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-spans-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage spans --consumer-group snuba-spans-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage spans --consumer-group snuba-spans-consumers --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-eap-items-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage eap_items --consumer-group eap_items_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --use-rust-processor --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage eap_items --consumer-group eap_items_group --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 1000 --no-strict-offset-reset --use-rust-processor
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   snuba-subscription-consumer-eap-items:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset events_analytics_platform --entity eap_items --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-eap-items-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=eap_items_group --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900 --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: subscriptions-scheduler-executor --dataset events_analytics_platform --entity eap_items --auto-offset-reset=latest --no-strict-offset-reset --consumer-group=snuba-eap-items-subscriptions-consumers --followed-consumer-group=eap_items_group --schedule-ttl=60 --stale-threshold-seconds=900
   snuba-uptime-results-consumer:
     <<: *snuba_defaults
-    command: rust-consumer --storage uptime_monitor_checks --consumer-group snuba-uptime-results --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset --health-check-file /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: rust-consumer --storage uptime_monitor_checks --consumer-group snuba-uptime-results --auto-offset-reset=latest --max-batch-time-ms 750 --no-strict-offset-reset
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   symbolicator:
@@ -415,14 +349,6 @@ services:
         read_only: true
         source: ./symbolicator
         target: /etc/symbolicator
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *healthcheck_defaults
-      test:
-        - "CMD"
-        - "/bin/bash"
-        - "-c"
-        # Courtesy of https://unix.stackexchange.com/a/234089/108960
-        - 'exec 3<>/dev/tcp/127.0.0.1/3021 && echo -e "GET /healthcheck HTTP/1.1\r\nhost: 127.0.0.1\r\nConnection: close\r\n\r\n" >&3 && grep OK -s -m 1 <&3'
     command: run -c /etc/symbolicator/config.yml
   symbolicator-cleanup:
     <<: [*restart_policy, *pull_policy]
@@ -454,175 +380,119 @@ services:
   worker:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
     command: run worker
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *healthcheck_defaults
-      test:
-        - CMD
-        - sentry
-        - exec
-        - -c
-        - 'from sentry.celery import app; import os; dest="celery@{}".format(os.environ["HOSTNAME"]); print(app.control.ping(destination=[dest], timeout=5)[0][dest]["ok"])'
   events-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-events --consumer-group ingest-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-events --consumer-group ingest-consumer
   attachments-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-attachments --consumer-group ingest-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-attachments --consumer-group ingest-consumer
   post-process-forwarder-errors:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-errors --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group=snuba-consumers --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-errors --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group=snuba-consumers
   subscription-consumer-events:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer events-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer events-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer
   ##############################################
   ## Feature Complete Sentry Ingest Consumers ##
   ##############################################
   transactions-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-transactions --consumer-group ingest-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-transactions --consumer-group ingest-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   metrics-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-metrics --consumer-group metrics-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-metrics --consumer-group metrics-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   generic-metrics-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-generic-metrics --consumer-group generic-metrics-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-generic-metrics --consumer-group generic-metrics-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   billing-metrics-consumer:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer billing-metrics-consumer --consumer-group billing-metrics-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer billing-metrics-consumer --consumer-group billing-metrics-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   ingest-replay-recordings:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-replay-recordings --consumer-group ingest-replay-recordings --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-replay-recordings --consumer-group ingest-replay-recordings
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   ingest-occurrences:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-occurrences --consumer-group ingest-occurrences --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-occurrences --consumer-group ingest-occurrences
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   ingest-profiles:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-profiles --consumer-group ingest-profiles --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-profiles --consumer-group ingest-profiles
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   ingest-monitors:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-monitors --consumer-group ingest-monitors --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-monitors --consumer-group ingest-monitors
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   ingest-feedback-events:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer ingest-feedback-events --consumer-group ingest-feedback --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer ingest-feedback-events --consumer-group ingest-feedback
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   process-spans:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset process-spans --consumer-group process-spans --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset process-spans --consumer-group process-spans
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   process-segments:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset process-segments --consumer-group process-segments --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset process-segments --consumer-group process-segments
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   monitors-clock-tick:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer monitors-clock-tick --consumer-group monitors-clock-tick --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer monitors-clock-tick --consumer-group monitors-clock-tick
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   monitors-clock-tasks:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer monitors-clock-tasks --consumer-group monitors-clock-tasks --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer monitors-clock-tasks --consumer-group monitors-clock-tasks
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   uptime-results:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer uptime-results --consumer-group uptime-results --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer uptime-results --consumer-group uptime-results
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   post-process-forwarder-transactions:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-transactions --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-transactions-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group transactions_group --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-transactions --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-transactions-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group transactions_group
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   post-process-forwarder-issue-platform:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-issue-platform --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-generic-events-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group generic_events_group --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer --no-strict-offset-reset post-process-forwarder-issue-platform --consumer-group post-process-forwarder --synchronize-commit-log-topic=snuba-generic-events-commit-log --synchronize-commit-group generic_events_group
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   subscription-consumer-transactions:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer transactions-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer transactions-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   subscription-consumer-eap-items:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer subscription-results-eap-items --consumer-group subscription-results-eap-items --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer subscription-results-eap-items --consumer-group subscription-results-eap-items
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   subscription-consumer-metrics:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer metrics-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer metrics-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   subscription-consumer-generic-metrics:
     <<: *sentry_defaults
-    command: run consumer generic-metrics-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer --healthcheck-file-path /tmp/health.txt
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *file_healthcheck_defaults
+    command: run consumer generic-metrics-subscription-results --consumer-group query-subscription-consumer
     profiles:
       - feature-complete
   sentry-cleanup:
@@ -646,12 +516,6 @@ services:
         target: /etc/nginx/nginx.conf
       - sentry-nginx-cache:/var/cache/nginx
       - sentry-nginx-www:/var/www
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *healthcheck_defaults
-      test:
-        - "CMD"
-        - "/usr/bin/curl"
-        - http://localhost
     depends_on:
       - web
       - relay
@@ -702,14 +566,6 @@ services:
       SENTRY_SNUBA_HOST: "http://snuba-api:1218"
     volumes:
       - sentry-vroom:/var/vroom/sentry-profiles
-    healthcheck:
-      <<: *healthcheck_defaults
-      test:
-        - "CMD"
-        - "/bin/bash"
-        - "-c"
-        # Courtesy of https://unix.stackexchange.com/a/234089/108960
-        - 'exec 3<>/dev/tcp/127.0.0.1/8085 && echo -e "GET /health HTTP/1.1\r\nhost: 127.0.0.1\r\n\r\n" >&3 && grep OK -s -m 1 <&3'
     depends_on:
       kafka:
         <<: *depends_on-healthy