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‎src/content/posts/2025-05-20-procrastination-by-doing.mdx‎

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categories: [tech]
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tags: [engineering, productivity]
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description:
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'I suffer from a particular form of procrastination: procrastination by doing.
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I have some tips to fight it.'
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'I suffer from a particular form of procrastination. I have some tips to fight
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it.'
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---
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import jarOfRocks from './jar-of-rocks.webp'

‎src/content/posts/2025-05-23-procrastination-by-perfection.mdx‎

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---
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layout: ../../components/layouts/post.astro
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title: 'Procrastination By Perfection'
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categories: [tech]
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tags: [engineering, music, productivity]
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description:
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"I also suffer from a less common form of procrastination than my previous
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article. I would not attempt something at all if I knew I couldn't do it
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perfectly. On a hobby of mine, I found a decent workaround."
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---
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I also suffer from a less common form of procrastination than my previous
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article [Procrastination By Doing]: procrastination by perfection. I would not
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attempt something at all if I knew I couldn't do it perfectly. Fully
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uninstalling my deeply rooted body’s perfectionism software would be great, if
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that were possible. In the case of procrastination by perfection on a hobby of
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mine, I found a decent workaround.
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In high school, I produced hip-hop music. Kind of odd for a white kid in Pacific
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Northwest white suburbia in the 1990s. With a beginner’s mindset, I tried lots
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of weird things with the few friends who also liked 90s hip-hop. Making beats,
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with others more interested in vocals, I was inspired by the story of RZA
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forming Wu-Tang Clan. Could I be like him? It was a silly romantic fantasy. But
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I tried my hand at weird music. I had fun. The fantasy still gives me nostalgia.
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By college graduation, the music making habit dropped off. Oh, when the American
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capitalism dreams of proving yourself hit you in your 20s!
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In my 30s, when I wanted to pick up music again, to have _something_ outside of
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work, I had a terrible thought, "Why try? I won't make anything as good as
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Wu-Tang Clan. Look at how good their albums are. Look how far ahead of me they
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are. It's been so long since I've touched music. I'll never catch up." I put off
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making music again.
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> What would the magical outcome be? What would the ideal outcome be? Then let
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> me work backwards from that. A lot of people have trouble with that
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> brainstorming part of the process, because they think, "Well, if it's
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> unrealistic, why would I even try?" … Listen, it's way too early for that.
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> Most people become their own bottleneck long before reality prevents them from
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> doing it. The world hasn't told you it's impossible yet. You have.
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>
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> —James Clear, discussing
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> _[Atomic Habits](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40121378-atomic-habits)_
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> on [the Peter Attia Drive](https://peterattiamd.com/jamesclear/)
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How many dreams die on the vine, unattempted?
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During this same time, I projected my perfectionism onto my coworkers’ work and
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my friends’ art. It was an unrealistic standard. It was unproductive nitpicking.
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It was a demotivating, bad attitude. I’m sorry I did that to them.
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So I was unhappy and high stress at work, and unhappy and avoidant of activities
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outside of work.
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My partner then knew of my yearning to get back into music. She bought me the
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latest version of Ableton Live Lite, to gently guide me back into the creative
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hobby that made me so happy. I was drained by my dopamine fixation on my work
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identity. It took me years to open her gift. One day, finally, I fired up
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Ableton without much of a plan. I had in mind the end result of making a song
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like I used to. Coupled with my burning perfectionism.
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Surprise, I was not immediately good at the DAW. Nothing remotely close to a
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song came out in an hour. So I gave up music for several more months,
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disappointed in not having birthed a Wu-Tang platinum single my first time back
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in the hotseat.
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I think the breakthrough idea for me was "systems over goals." Again, from my
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last article:
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> This is the same strategy
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> as [“don’t break the chain.”](https://jamesclear.com/stop-procrastinating-seinfeld-strategy)
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> I’ve also heard this called “systems over goals” or “practice over product.”
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> Overly focusing on the end result can overwhelm you with how far away it is;
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> overwhelm can divert you to check your email, a sand task you have more
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> confidence in. The more sustainable, less daunting strategy is to start the
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> big rock task, and do a little bit consistently.
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If a person is sick of feeling in poor shape and is inspired by a local 10k
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race, a possible solution is to attempt to run that distance. Yes, they should
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start smaller, to run a shorter distance. The even better strategy is “systems
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over goals.” A more sustainable, effective system would be to run a little bit
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several times a week.
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Make your habits those of the type of person you want to be. If you want to be a
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runner, what would a runner do to get better? If you want to be a musician, what
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would a musician do to get better? The results will come.
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Upon learning this concept, wanting so badly to get back into music, I began
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tracking a minimum 20-minutes-per-day music practice streak in the
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[Streaks](https://streaksapp.com/) app. Some days were not so high quality. I
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had a rough start at the beginning. To this day, I sometimes still phone in the
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minimum. Streaking even the unsatisfactory minimum makes it easier to continue
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the streak the next day. Eventually, I got to the comfort with music that, when
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time allowed, 20 minutes of practice would expand into hours of joy. As of
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writing, the streak is 1,334 days.
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Having not so great days and creative output missteps also forced me to reckon
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with all the effort put into the canons of Wu-Tang Clan, Walt Whitman, or Bach:
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they must’ve had their missteps too. Even paragons of their genres shipped
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weaker songs. Imagine their bad days of output that audiences never got to
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witness. The artists took more shots on target. They _practiced_.
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As for the silly suburban hip-hop kid who didn't quite have the difficult
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upbringing of the RZA, is the kid's perspective worthwhile?
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> **Why Bother?**
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>
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> Because right now, there is someone <br /> out there with <br /> a wound in
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> the exact shape <br /> of your words.
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>
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> —[Sean Thomas Dougherty](https://www.reddit.com/r/TorturedPoetsArtDept/comments/1ekckor/why_bother_by_sean_thomas_dougherty/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
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My amateur music doesn’t need to be held to those famous artists' dedicated
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standard. It doesn’t need to sell or win awards. It is still good music to me.
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Maybe there's 1 person in the world who resonates with my weird angle on things,
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and that 1 person would be a bonus.
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My streak absolutely hit some of my goals along the way. First a complete song
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came. Later, a full length album. Even better than accomplishing goals, is a
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creative practice that enriches my soul.
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I also started small another way, carefully investing in music making software
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and hardware (and the music heads were about to ask if I still use Ableton). I
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was previously bitten by _thinking_ I was into a new hobby, buying the top of
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the line tool for that hobby, the tool collecting dust, and I’m out of money.
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Fully tricked out Ableton Live comes close to $1,000. Realistically weighted,
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full size MIDI keyboards cost $2,000. To prove out my return to music without
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spending quite that much to start, I started with $60
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[Reaper](https://reaper.fm) DAW, a $120
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[Akai Mini Mk3](https://www.akaipro.com/mpk-mini-mk3) MIDI keyboard, and a
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$10/mo [Output Arcade](https://output.com/products/arcade) sample library. For
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that last tool, music production is increasingly subscription based these days.
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For inspiration, $10/mo is a steal.
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My entire identity of my 20s was my work. I can't believe I didn't have a
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creative hobby, an outlet for expression. Getting back into music has been so
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wonderful.
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I don't think my perfectionism is cured. There must still be big-picture dreams
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I'm shutting down, my brain thinking quickly before I realize they're shut down.
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But if I ever wield enough mindfulness to notice myself saying, I won't attempt
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X because I'm not yet good at X, I can look at the counterexample of my return
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to music.
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[Procrastination By Doing]: /posts/procrastination-by-doing

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