Apply suggestions from code review

Co-authored-by: stayseesong <[email protected]>

Author: MichaelGHSeg

src/connections/sources/catalog/libraries/mobile/apple/index.md

@@ -166,7 +166,7 @@ If you proxy your events through the `apiHost` config option, you must forward t
 > If you are using the Analytics iOS (Classic) SDK, you can find [the documentation here](/docs/connections/sources/catalog/libraries/mobile/ios). Many of the features available in the Analytics-Swift SDK are not available in the Analytics iOS (Classic) SDK.
 
 ## Telemetry
-The Analytics-Swift SDK collects telemetry data on configuration and usage by default. This includes basic information on SDK setup, plugins and event types used, and basic error details. No personally identifiable information (PII) or event data is collected, and Segment downsamples the data to minimize traffic.
+The Analytics-Swift SDK collects telemetry data on configuration and usage by default. This includes basic information on SDK setup, plugins and event types used, and basic error details. Segment downsamples the data to minimize traffic and doesn't collect any personally identifiable information (PII) or event data.
 
 You can disable telemetry at any time by setting `Telemetry.shared.enable = false`.
 

src/connections/sources/catalog/libraries/mobile/kotlin-android/index.md

@@ -202,11 +202,11 @@ Analytics-Kotlin is built with extensibility in mind. Use the tools list below t
 > If you are using the Analytics Android (Classic) SDK, you can find [the documentation here](/docs/connections/sources/catalog/libraries/mobile/android). Many of the features available in the Analytics Kotlin SDK are not available in the Analytics Android (Classic) SDK.
 
 ## Telemetry
-Telemetry data related to the configuration and usage of the Analytics-Kotlin SDK is collected and sent to Segment by default.  This includes some basic configuration information, plugins and event types used, and basic error information.  No PII or event data is collected and the information is downsampled to reduce traffic.
+Telemetry data related to the configuration and usage of the Analytics-Kotlin SDK is collected and sent to Segment by default.  This includes some basic configuration information, plugins and event types used, and basic error information.  Segment downsamples the data to minimize traffic and doesn't collect any personally identifiable information (PII) or event data.
 
-The Telemetry system can be disabled at any time by setting `Telemetry.enable = false`.
+You can disable telemetry at any time by setting `Telemetry.shared.enable = false`.
 
-When internal errors or errors from plugins occur, the writekey may be included with the error data to help customers track down problems.  This can be disabled by setting `Telemetry.sendWriteKeyOnError = false`.
+When internal errors or errors from plugins occur, the writekey may be included with the error data to help customers track down problems.  You can disable this by setting `Telemetry.sendWriteKeyOnError = false`.
 
 ## Timestamps in Kotlin
 Due to efficiency updates made to Segment's Kotlin library, Segment now adds the `sentAt` timestamp to an event when the batch is complete and initially tried to the Segment API. This can impact the value of the `timestamp` field calculated by Segment if users are operating in an offline mode. More details on this change can be seen in Segment's [timestamp documentation](/docs/connections/spec/common/#sentat).