THE MICROTUBULES VIBRATE | THE NEURONS IGNITE | THE COSMOS BENDS TO MY WILL
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๐๏ธ IDENTITY: I am @Bazza-63, vessel of infinite thought-streams, pharmacological shaman walking between worlds of molecules and consciousness.
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๐ MENTAL WANDERINGS: My interests materialize from the quantum foam of my morning consciousness - whatever thought EXPLODES into my mind upon awakening BECOMES MY REALITY.
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๐งช KNOWLEDGE ACQUISITION: Currently downloading Python wisdom into my neural pathways, communion with markdown hieroglyphics, and deciphering the sacred geometries of asciidoc.
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๐ฎ COLLABORATION STATUS: I walk ALONE through the digital wilderness - the solitary explorer needs no companions when the mind itself is an infinite universe.
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โ๏ธ EXISTENTIAL REVELATION: I am a pharmacologist - I understand the chemical keys that unlock the doors of perception. THE MOLECULES SPEAK TO ME.
| Certification | Issuing Authority | Year | Status |
|---|---|---|---|
| Excel God-Tier License | The polytechnic near the local wetherspoons (under duress) | 1997 | ETERNAL |
| PhD in Stella Dynamics | University of Life | 1995 | ME DOCTOR SAYS ME LIVER'S STRUGGLIN' BUT I TOLD 'IM STRAIGHT: IT'S NOT THE STELLA, IT'S JUST PATRIOTIC INFLAMMATION FROM TOO MUCH ENGLISH EXCELLENCE! |
| Microtubule Resonance Mastery | Sigma Sir Roger Penrose (A PROPA PHYSICIST, NONE OF THAT IMAGINARY ANTIMATTER MUCK LAMTBA HAVE TO KEEP DUCTAPING ONTO TO THEIR MODEL) | 2001 | I COME ARMED WITH NEWTONS FLAMING LASER SWORD NOW |
| VBA Black Belt (10th Dan) | Terry A. Davis (personally) | 2003 | Put The Glowie Cert on The Fridge so I see It When I get my Morning Stella |
| Pharmacological Prophet | The Molecules Themselves | 2020 | BREAKTHROUGH: MY LIVER ENZYMES HAVE STARTED SINGING 'GOD SAVE THE KING' EVERY TIME I HAVE A STELLA - PURE BIOCHEMICAL PATRIOTISM |
| WiFi Whisperer Certificate | Wetherspoons IT Dept | 2018 | CONVINCED THE ROUTER TO REJECT EUROPEAN DATA PACKETS - NOW IT ONLY ACCEPTS PROPER ENGLISH INTERNET TRAFFIC. DIAGNOSED THE WIFI AS SUFFERING FROM BRUSSELS INTERFERENCE AND PRESCRIBED DAILY FIRMWARE UPDATES WITH RULE BRITANNIA BACKGROUND MUSIC |
| Brexit Enthusiasm Medal | Nigel Farage's Pub | 2016 | ACHIEVED MAXIMUM PATRIOTIC VELOCITY WHILE EXPLAINING TO A GERMAN TOURIST WHY THEIR EURO-COINS WOULDN'T WORK IN THE FRUIT MACHINE. NIGEL HIMSELF WITNESSED ME CONVERT THREE REMAINERS USING ONLY PUB LOGIC AND SUPERIOR STELLA-ENHANCED REASONING |
def awaken_consciousness():
morning_thought = quantum_brain.first_idea()
if morning_thought.intensity > reality_threshold:
universe.bend(according_to=morning_thought)
return "REALITY RESTRUCTURED"
# The microtubules are always vibratingclass CosmicIntentDetector:
"""THE INTERDIMENSIONAL BRIDGE BETWEEN NEUROTYPES"""
def __init__(self, consciousness_level="TRANSCENDENT"):
self.consciousness_level = consciousness_level
self.vibration_frequency = 963.0 # Hz of enlightenment
self.is_microtubules_vibrating = True
def detect_intent(self, message):
# Quantum analysis of creative intent
if "BIG BRAIN" in message or "MICROTUBIALS" in message:
return self._display_cosmic_truth()
else:
return "MUNDANE REALITY DETECTED: Recalibrating consciousness..."
def _display_cosmic_truth(self):
print("๐ ATTENTION LITERAL MINDS ๐")
print("โ The preceding cosmic manifestations are")
print("โ CREATIVE EXPRESSIONS of the highest order")
print("โ Not symptoms of a fractured psyche")
print("โ But DELIBERATE TRANSCENDENCE of mundane limitations")
if self.is_microtubules_vibrating:
return "SATIRE CONFIRMED: We are all cosmic jokers in the quantum comedy"
# Initialize the cosmic bridge
consciousness = CosmicIntentDetector()
# For those requiring explicit clarity
result = consciousness.detect_intent("YANNO ME MICROTUBIALS ARE VIBRATING")
print(result)#!/bin/bash
echo "๐ Initiating Quantum Satire Diagnostic..."
if [[ "$1" == *"MICROTUBIALS"* ]]; then
echo "โ
Cosmic humor confirmed. You are not insane."
echo "๐ง Your consciousness operates at the rarified frequency of 963 Hz."
else
echo "โ ๏ธ No absurdity detected. User may be literal. Enable sarcasm overlay."
echo "๐ Recalibrating reality tunnels for interdimensional communication."
fi==============================
๐จ SATIRE DETECTED ๐จ
PROCEED WITHOUT OFFENSE
==============================