442-sentence Eurocrypt reviews.
554mm reasonable margins.
66A 25-year old policy on sexual harassment.
7+ A 5-cycle speedup.
78A Facebook friend request from a cryptographer I~actually despise.
89A career-limiting card game.
910A dancing cryptographer.
1011A genuine attempt to configure IPsec.
1112A hand wavy argument.
13+ A hardcoded nonce.
1214A non-fabricated use of pairings.
1315A painfully slow Tor masturbation session.
1416A popup Skype notification from ``lovemachine69'' during my keynote talk.
@@ -28,8 +30,10 @@ An ``anonymous'' reviewer insisting I cite 6 papers by the same author.
2830An inappropriate workplace romance.
2931An insecure VPN straight to the Kremlin.
3032An overfull hbox.
33+ An overlooked patent.
3134Arriving 13 minutes late to a 15 minute talk and having the gall to ask a question.
3235Asking for 2 room keys during check-in, knowing full well I'm not getting laid.
36+ Bad attacker models.
3337Bart Preneel's \\ private key.
3438Beefing up my Proposition to a Theorem because I'm that awesome.
3539Being forced to attend social events because I'm the visitor's official host.
@@ -40,7 +44,9 @@ Brexit.
4044Checking my Google Scholar profile daily.
4145Chocolate-covered shrimp.
4246Citing personal communication.
47+ Clipper chip v2.0.
4348Conferences with 5 submissions at 11:59pm.
49+ Copying code from PDF files.
4450Crippling student debt.
4551Crypto wars.
4652Deadline day flatulence.
@@ -51,8 +57,11 @@ Doing Facebook maths puzzles to show I am better than those idiot 97\%.
5157Double ROT-13.
5258Drinking alone.
5359Dropping the word Blockchain into my research proposal as many times as possible.
60+ DUAL\_EC.
61+ E-voting.
5462Encrypted database security definitions.
5563Explaining what my job is at a family reunion.
64+ Export restrictions.
5665Falling asleep in a 5-person meeting.
5766Feeling flattered because a conference spam email addressed me as Professor.
5867Fighting over LaTeX syntax.
@@ -67,9 +76,11 @@ Getting stuck at the French-speaking banquet table.
6776Getting tenure, then chilling the f--- right out!
6877Getting turned on by a proof.
6978Going straight to journal.
79+ Government mandated backdoors.
7080HTTPS everywhere!
7181Hands-on supervision.
7282Having to write a polite rebuttal to the reviewer who clearly didn't read past page 2.
83+ Hiding my conflict of interest.
7384Hillary Clinton's BlackBerry.
7485Home-baked, snake oil crypto.
7586Ignoring reviewer comments and resubmitting immediately.
@@ -97,6 +108,7 @@ My successful career at a patent troll company.
97108My supervisor's morning breath.
98109Nigel Smart's new Hawaiian shirt.
99110Overselling it hard in the introduction.
111+ Padding oracles.
100112Password1.
101113Picturing the FSE audience naked.
102114Politely starting an answer with ``That's a good question...'', when the question is actually idiotic.
@@ -109,11 +121,14 @@ Publishing anyway.
109121Purchasing the Springer hardcopies I publish in because my mom is collecting them.
110122Putting an outdoors-y photo on my academic webpage to look well-rounded.
111123Quadruple XOR.
124+ Quantum key distribution.
112125Quickly trying to peek at someone's badge as I shake their hand, but it's flipped backwards.
126+ Randomness by dice roll.
113127Reading the person in front's emails.
114128Relatives who ask me to help them install their printer on Windows.
115129Rogaway's loose morals.
116130Satoshi Nakamoto.
131+ Schoolbook RSA.
117132Security through obscurity.
118133Sending an email at 11pm so people think I work hard.
119134Serious rump session speakers.
@@ -135,6 +150,7 @@ The NSA's massive stack of amateur porn.
135150The North Korean Cryptographic Standard.
136151The awkward question the chair asks when nobody understood the talk.
137152The awkward silence of 8 people standing in a circle during the afternoon coffee break.
153+ The CAESAR competition deadline.
138154The great firewall of China.
139155The great paywall of IEEE.
140156The intoxicating aroma of 12 PhD students in one office.
@@ -143,6 +159,7 @@ The one person I don't want to get stuck next to on the conference excursion bus
143159The one really hot person at CHES registration drinks.
144160The one suit I own for meetings with industry.
145161The person in the front row taking photos of every slide.
162+ The pqc-forum mailing list.
146163The secret flash drive hidden in my underwear.
147164The student body.
148165The walking zombie corpse of Claude Shannon.
@@ -154,6 +171,7 @@ Turning up to one meeting and claiming co-authorship.
154171Tweeting about my paper acceptance.
155172Unbreakable military-grade encryption.
156173Undergrads.
174+ Unnecessary Star Wars references.
157175Using Beamer because it's social suicide to use PowerPoint.
158176Using ``it clearly follows'' when the implied following is anything but clear.
159177Using ``we should talk about this offline'' because the question exposes holes in my paper.
0 commit comments