Update to new version of upsert proposal, and fix listener equality checks

[EskiMojo14]

Proposal has been simplified to a getOrInsert method - this updates our code accordingly to see what the difference is like.

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size-limit report 📦

Path	Size
1. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit/query/react (modern.mjs)	13.53 KB (-0.13% 🔽)
1. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit (cjs, production.min.cjs)	14.1 KB (-0.51% 🔽)
1. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit/react (cjs, production.min.cjs)	14.22 KB (-0.46% 🔽)
1. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit/query (cjs, production.min.cjs)	22.34 KB (-0.24% 🔽)
1. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit/query/react (cjs, production.min.cjs)	24.39 KB (-0.24% 🔽)
2. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit (without dependencies) (cjs, production.min.cjs)	7.5 KB (-0.84% 🔽)
2. entry point: @reduxjs/toolkit/query (without dependencies) (cjs, production.min.cjs)	9.21 KB (+0.16% 🔺)
3. createSlice (.modern.mjs)	4.16 KB (-0.96% 🔽)
3. buildCreateSlice and asyncThunkCreator (.modern.mjs)	5 KB (-0.74% 🔽)
3. combineSlices (.modern.mjs)	1.02 KB (-2.97% 🔽)
3. createDynamicMiddleware (.modern.mjs)	839 B (-9.11% 🔽)
3. createDynamicMiddleware (react) (.modern.mjs)	948 B (-7.61% 🔽)
3. createListenerMiddleware (.modern.mjs)	1.98 KB (-1.03% 🔽)
3. createApi (.modern.mjs)	13.92 KB (-0.15% 🔽)
3. createApi (react) (.modern.mjs)	15.65 KB (-0.05% 🔽)